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The Doctor
The Oncoming Storm
The caller you are trying to reach... 
3rd-Jun-2009 07:24 pm

I've tapped into... but the controls... sealed, so no... poke. I need something... bulbous. Tulips, perhaps.

Anyway, I've tried... there should... lift coming up. Signal should... you get... What bothers... cluster isn't based in... disengenuous technology.. very bad. They seem to... other planets, including Earth... humans... Vinegar. We may... after all. I don't like it.

I'm going to wait for... lift. Andy, I need... message gets through.

It's easy to... Fantastic.
3rd-Jun-2009 11:45 pm (UTC)
Doctor? Are you still there?
4th-Jun-2009 12:57 am (UTC)
Yes I...
4th-Jun-2009 12:01 am (UTC)
We have tulips! And vinegar! Dalek Ec grows marvelous tulips. What do I do with the tulips? And the vinegar? Aside from making Torchwood's stove really shine. (The vinegar, not the tulips.)
4th-Jun-2009 12:42 am (UTC)
I know how we, or he, can make a weapon, but I don't know how to get it to him.
4th-Jun-2009 12:57 am (UTC)
Weapons? No I just wanted... like apes. Stupider even.
4th-Jun-2009 01:06 am (UTC)
If Andy were still exhaling carbon monoxide, with a bit of jiggery pokery you'd be able to synthesise pure acetic acid.
4th-Jun-2009 01:07 am (UTC)
Yes, but... won't get on the bloody lift! I've sent it... times now!
4th-Jun-2009 01:10 am (UTC)
What do you need? What can we do? What won't get on the lift?
4th-Jun-2009 01:12 am (UTC)
Andy and... sent it up to... if they can get within... toaster!
4th-Jun-2009 01:13 am (UTC)
My personal opinion is that he wants us to make him a chop salad.
4th-Jun-2009 01:14 am (UTC)
No salad! Is the... bad?
4th-Jun-2009 01:16 am (UTC)
Well, I have a turkey baster, some vinegar, some discarded tulips, and some toast. I suppose I could make art with them but beyond that, god only knows. If you're trying to warn us against alien menaces, I'm afraid the only way this will stop them is when they're LOLing too hard to invade.
4th-Jun-2009 01:19 am (UTC)
No alien... still in 1986 on... need T and Andy to... and come down here already!
4th-Jun-2009 02:32 am (UTC)

Oh God. My school picture that year. Don't LOOK AT THE SCHOOL PICTURES.
4th-Jun-2009 12:52 am (UTC)
Doctor, we can almost hear you but it's like a very bad mobile connection. I just found a large jug of vinegar in the pack of holding (for lack of a better name.) I'm sure I can find tulips in there but might a turkey baster work as well?
4th-Jun-2009 12:59 am (UTC)
No tulips! Turkey... vinegar squirting. Should see... I sent it up ages... far down am I?
4th-Jun-2009 01:01 am (UTC)
Now you don't want tulips?

Turkey and vinegar is a terrible idea! Unless you want some kind of marinade. Or on a salad, I suppose...
4th-Jun-2009 01:03 am (UTC)
He's talking about turkey basters full of vinegar. I suggest using water pistols instead.
4th-Jun-2009 01:04 am (UTC)
No turkey! No... two entirely different... damn shield... toaster. Turkey baster can be... vinegar because... explode... get on the lift... twice now!
4th-Jun-2009 02:26 am (UTC)
DAMMIT! I kept getting a 502 gateway error. Andy keeps saying it's "bloody Torchwood" but in 1986 it's more likely just aliens.

We have basters full of vinegar. The elevator doors closed just as we rounded the corner. We're hiding behind potted plants. Literally, potted. Cooking themselves. Most disconcerting. But we're hidden within reach of the elevator. Send it up again, Doctor.
4th-Jun-2009 02:30 am (UTC)
Fantastic! When you get inside.. the orange button and... hell, I'll just wait until... let me know, okay? Watch out for the toasters, they're really annoying.
4th-Jun-2009 02:40 am (UTC)
There's the elevator now. We're waiting for a really fugly Sycorax to get off and out. He's slow. In so many ways.

There, he's gone! Grab the anti-grav board and let's GO, Andy! I just hope the Doctor is waiting down there with an explanation about tulips and vinegar and toasters.

Oh THAT'S a toaster. Annoying little bastard. I'm going to kick it in the side.

Maybe not the best plan....

Elevator going down...


really fast...

recalibra....communications dev...back on in a few...DAMN TOASTER!!!!!!!!!!
4th-Jun-2009 03:00 am (UTC)

That loud crashing noise at the end of the hall is probably you, isn't it?

Is everyone okay?
4th-Jun-2009 03:08 am (UTC)
We're fine. The toaster not so much.

The toaster annoyed me. I don't shoot things in the face. That's a Harkness trait, a Boevian trait if you will. But if something annoys me as much as that toaster did (mostly by pushing every damn button in the elevator) I was annoyed.

We're here. What's going on? I can get my communications to the outside. Will that help?
4th-Jun-2009 03:10 am (UTC)
Do we have to put a toaster in the morgue freezer?

You're sure this a toaster and not a Toastmaster? The latter is jovial and tells "icebreakers" before starting a speech.

4th-Jun-2009 03:43 am (UTC)
Well, if you like we might be able to take it back with us as we go. If only because they're something satisfying about freezing a toaster.
4th-Jun-2009 03:26 am (UTC)
That would be a help. From how Ianto responded, I came across as peckish as oppossed to frantic.

They're experimenting with skinning different organisms and hiding themselves inside the skins themselves. That's why they were looking for humans, Earth's on their lists of planets to be exploited.

There's a few other projects, but they're all still in the theory stage. T, Andy, one of this projects is a Rift energy collector. Which would be absolutely useless on this planet, I might add. I've been trying to get more information on where this is all coming from, but I have to physically visit their control cluster, it seems. Which is still further underground.

So. Stairs?
4th-Jun-2009 03:29 am (UTC)
Sorry! It's the job. I'm conditioned to provide food when people are anxious.
4th-Jun-2009 03:34 am (UTC)
I can't help wondering if the pack of holding is a relative. Are any of your cousins nylon backpacks that live in the TARDIS' yellow kitchen?
4th-Jun-2009 03:36 am (UTC)
Not to my knowledge, but perhaps they're distant descendants. I do have a great-aunt who's something of an old bag.
4th-Jun-2009 03:33 am (UTC)
But how would that work? Slitheen smell...unique. Hiding in the skins of other species won't cover that up.

Ah, well, I'm sure we'll find out more as we head downstairs.

Wait...Rift energy collector? Don't send this info back to Cardiff, at least not until we know more about it.

Oh, before I forget, here's your spray bottle of vinegar. The pack of holding seems to have changed its mind about the basters.
4th-Jun-2009 03:42 am (UTC)
Oo, squeeze bottle! Handy!

The way I understand it, the skin suits would involve some olfactory-suppressor and matter-compression technology. They don't have it right, exactly, but they're a bit closer than I can be happy with. I'll upload a virus to destroy their records once we reach the core cluster. Provided I can figure out the control cluster in a somewhat timely manner- watch your head, Andy!- which is likely a given, even if the encryption and computing power of the cluster must be enorm-

Oh. It's a... mobile.
4th-Jun-2009 03:48 am (UTC)
How'd they do that? In 1986?

Okay, now I really want to kick a toaster. Maybe get some answers out of it. It'll have to burn the answers onto bread but an answer is an answer.
4th-Jun-2009 03:52 am (UTC)
Well, it's transmitting to several other locations, and looks like a 2008 model anyway. Posh, too.

I have to think it has been well jiggery-poked. I also think I'll have to do some poking of my own.

Let me know if the toaster does anything constructive.
4th-Jun-2009 04:01 am (UTC)
Let me know if the toaster does anything constructive

Okay, but I'm not holding my breath...

Is that a Samsung model? Or Nokia? I think I have the manual for the Samsung somewhere.
4th-Jun-2009 04:10 am (UTC)
Samsung toaster? I haven't the foggiest what sort of toaster it is other than the kind that flings overdone toast at my while I'm trying to work.

I think I can completely disable the facility from here- crash all their ongoing project hooked into the mainframe and destroy the capacity to reboot. And if you're up to a bit more running we can all be out of here in less than ten minutes.
4th-Jun-2009 04:18 am (UTC)
Sounds good to me. Shall I prime the anti-grav boards?

The toaster seems lonely. I'm looking for bread...ah, here we go. Maybe that'll help.
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